Sunday, August 12, 2007

World's Largest People Tracking System

In an article on slashdot meant to detail how to track thousands of individuals, one funny commenter provided the following comic relief and insight (sorry if you're large, just appreciate the humor).

"China to Deploy World's Largest People Tracking Network"

1. We can now avoid embarrasing mistakes, like calling Greenpeace to help remove a "beached whale" that's just a "Large Person" sunbathing
2. They take up too much space in checkout aisles - if we can track them, we'll know when its safe to shop
3. You want to track which "all-you-can-eat" they're hanging out at tonight - so you can avoid it
4. Tracking them will avoid conflicts in lineups because "they smell funny"
5. Once we track them, we can make sure they're wearing their backup alarms
6. We can implement "no-fridge exclusionary zones" for their own good
7. In an emergency, we can locate them quickly, and line them up to use them as a defensive shield against, say asteroids
8. Knowing their history, we can avoid buying cars they once owned, with their associated suspension and steering problems
9. We can enhance safety by making sure that any elevator refuses to take on more than one "Huge Person"
10. Instead of charging everyone more for junk food, we can only tax "Huge People"

Go, China!
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